13 again

If I would just be who I really wanted to be then there would be no problems. Here's where the problems is: I want to be too many things at the same exact time.

I am a multi-tasker...if you look my name up I am sure it's somewhere in there, it has to be. Unfortunately, this trait that I have is not good for doing one thing and trying to do that one thing well. I mean how could I if I am juggling 5 things at the same time? I am sure there are people in this world who are so talented that they can do 5 things, with excellence, all at the same exact time and be amazing at what they do, but I am not one of them. You would think this thought would cause me to STOP and do one thing at a time. Au contraire, I continue in my race to accomplish things only half heartedly, just to say I've done it.

...It's like I get distracted when I am doing one thing and have to move on to another...

...or maybe I care about what others think of me so I move on...

...or maybe I get bored easily...

...maybe I just don't want to be the same person all the time...

BUT haven't I already discussed how I am better when I do one thing at one time in order to maintain excellence.

I mean if I really thought about this I could be better organized and a better person. I need to let the thought sink in that I am who I am and it's ok. I can be a mathematician and be ok with that right? Ugh...but then the thought overtakes me and I think "how boring?" But where does this question come from? Is it because math really isn't cool and so I am really caring about what others think of me...like I NEED to do something other than math so people know I am cool. These elementary thoughts plague my mind today. What am I 13 again?

I guess I say all of this because of my math test today. I did something that caused me to do worse on a test just because of what someone might have thought of me. And when taking a test I cannot work on one problem fully and then move to the next. I have to work on all of them at the same time, going back and forth from one problem to next. If I would take one problem and finish is and then move on I would do a lot better. Well...that's how it goes for me anyway.

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