Just a bunch of rambling!

I want to do something, anything except finish my research paper or do geometry homework! I feel like I am longing for anything!

I want to do exactly what I am suppose to do in this world. I tend to think that most people overanalyze the "what is God's will for my life?", mainly because I think that the Lord just wants you to serve him in whatever capacity you can and to abide in him at all times. But lately, this is the only question I've been asking and it's grating on my nerves. I guess because I am coming to an ending in my life and need to know what I should begin. I never struggled with this question when I got out of high school, finished HMC or any real major decision of my life. I felt like the Lord always gave me a clear answer. But not this time. I'm stuck at a crossroad that has 5,504,280,938 ways to go and I am not sure which one to pick. (Not that I really have a decision in all this). I've even tried to think, "what if I could do anything in the whole wide world without any restraint on money or time, what would I do?" I come up blank. What would I do? Lately, all I've wanted to do is go to sleep so I don't have to think about it, and I know this is not a good method to solve this problem. Seriously, it seems like it was easier to just be in school because then I wouldn't have to think about such a hard question. Though it seems ironic to even say this, since all I've wanted for the past 4 1/2 years is to GET OUT OF SCHOOL!!!!

I digress. I know the Lord is up to something and if I will just persevere and trust I know he will show me just like he always has, but this time I am overly anxious. Why? I am not sure. Maybe because this time I have absolutely no idea what on earth I will do with the rest of my life. I guess I never thought past getting the math degree part of my life. Whoops.

I got a new journal last week and on the front it says "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined". Well it's hard to go confidently when you're not so sure what your dreams are anymore. I want to be confident, just as confident as I was to go to HMC, and get my math degree and move to Texas and marry Shawn.

I am going to remain calm and I am not going to be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present this worry to God.